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Reckoning with terror that’s existential and irl

Howsannie

This is me right now, on the inside. It’s also the whole world right now, on the outside.

I just finished season 3 of Twin Peaks (what I believe is probably the final season of the series) and oh boy, am I shook.

In general the media I’ve been consuming lately has really led me down a vortex of screaming, writhing existential anguish–and I’m talking media that includes sci-fi drama entertainment and real-world news outlets. More on that later. First, other than other than the all-consuming vortex, I should note that I’m doing relatively well. Aside from the occasional pangs of dread and terror, I’m doing my best to stay mentally and physically healthy, and it’s really hard sometimes, but I’m not going to let myself free-fall down a whirlwind of pain and suffering. I’m privileged enough to not have to.

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I directed a film

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John Zervas and Gwen Lehman (the dream team)

I’ve been meaning to start blogging for awhile now, but I’ve been waiting and waiting indefinitely for something super exciting and blog-worthy to happen. I thought about waiting until graduation (only two months from now, dude! Whoa!), and soon after moving to Ocean City and beginning my life as a real, non-student working girl.

Then I got impatient and decided to start blogging today. It’s my first ‘day off’ of spring break, because for the past three days, I’ve been directing a short film. Sunday was my official directorial debut, which happened at the Atlantic United Methodist Church on 4th street, in Ocean City, because OC in the off-season is secretly an aesthetically perfect but totally underutilized location for shooting a film.

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